tick, tock

Image: JasonLorimer

C [exclaiming]: How is it 1.30?!
Andy [staring blankly]: What?
C: How is it 1.30 already?
Andy [making circles in the air with his finger]: Well... hand goes round, it all adds up.

i've bean expecting you...

It's been eerily quiet at Andyisms for almost a year now, but Andy's lunch today was too good not to share.

Image: Cheri Hughes

Meat pie on a bed of baked beans

word of the day

On Friday ANGE takes a break from heavy metal and 80s pop anthems to close his eyes and groove to Missy Higgins.

CASSY: [bemused] You play the strangest selection of music over there…

KATHRYN: It’s an eclectic selection.

ANGE: Yeah, ecliptic! Put it on the board!

KATHRYN: Not ecliptic, eclectic! I’ll give you ecliptic…

ANGE: Oh. I got excited, I thought we were having an eclipse tonight...

homecoming

ANDY: Cass! You were here… and then you weren’t.

ANGE: We were worried sick.

ANDY: We thought some unfortunate accident had befallen you…

CASSY: You knew I was on a trip!

ANDY: We didn’t know!

ANGE: How would we know?

ANDY: We thought you were missing…

ANGE: [snidely] That’s OK, you go feed the dolphins…

ANDY: Go take pictures of your feet in the sunset.

ANGE: Don’t tell us anything…

ANDY: We’ll eat out of a CAN, and you can eat things that have been artistically arranged on oversized white plates.

CHERI: [to Cassy] I think they’re mad.

CASSY: Maybe a little bit...

fairytale ending

Image: brightroom

After many weeks kicking aimlessly around the office, it looks as if the lonely size 13 running shoes have finally found an owner.

CASSY: You got someone? Cinderella has been found?

ANGE: Nah, they're too small, but he's gonna take 'em anyway. It's not a Cinderella story, more of a Pinocchio story…

glory days

ANDY is reliving the time he broke into a friend's dad's basement liquor collection and polished off most of a bottle of vintage single malt whisky.

ANDY: ...so I fell asleep in this thorn bush, right? And I woke up and knew I was going to throw up and I was lookin' around wondering where to do it–

CASSY: You were in a thorn bush, why didn't you just throw up there?

ANDY: 'Cos I was in a thorn bush, man!

MIA

"What happened Andy?"
"The passion's not there, the flame has gone out and the desire is fleeting..."
Andy's sombre explanation for the long silence on his blog.

hash tag

"I looked at your hash (#) and understood exactly what I needed to do..."
ANDY mocks CASSY's proper use of proofreading marks on the cover he designed for Oz Tri.

the real deal

CASSY: Can you guys let me know what you're working on for the next few weeks? I have to update the studio schedule.

ANGE: What we're working on? I dunno man... [ANGE looks blank. And a little panicked]

CHERI: Well, you've got those flyers, and the luxury guide concepts...

ANGE: Yeah, yeah, what else? [enthusiastically] Let's make some more shit up!

CASSY: You can't just make it up, it has to be authentic--

ANGE: Yeah, yeah [ANGE cuts in dismissively] authentic shit...

way to go

“Hey, be careful, those things kill.” ANDY warns CASSY ahead of her Africa trip. “Tigers, elephants…”

“I know, and I’ll be camping. There’s not even fences!” CASSY plays along.

“I know man, watch out," ANDY warns, deadpan. "Tigers, lions… [mimes opening a tent flap, makes a chomping sound].”

“At least it would be an interesting way to go,” CASSY muses. “Better than dying slowly over 10 years, just deteriorating…”

“Nah, f*ck that, at least you could watch telly while your dyin’…” ANGE chimes in.

sack lunch

Andy proudly displays his zip-locked bag of lunch, much to the horror of his colleagues.

ANDY: I soaked the lentils in stock for, like, twelve hours and then I slow-cooked it for six hours…

ANGE: Six hours! For lentils? You’re trippin’ man. My old lady cooks lentils, it doesn’t take six hours.

Over the next 20-odd minutes Ange and Andy discuss lentils and their cooking requirements at length with occasional interjections from Kathryn. Due to the long and rambling nature of their dialogue our attention drifted and we were unable to record the complete conversation however we did tune in at the end, just in time for this touching exchange...

ANDY: I feel hurt, man.

ANGE: [encouragingly] Nah man, at least you’re having a go…

cooking with andy

Andy is delivering one of his enthusiastic monologues about something he cooked last night, complete with sound effects.

CASSY: [impressed] Did you invent this dish Andy?
ANDY: Nah, I made it up.
CASSY: That’s what ‘invent’ means, Andy…

former pro

ANGE: So what am I doing first, is it the wanker challenge? [ANGE is sifting through job bags and selects one labelled Challenge Wanaka]
CASSY: That’s the one. Hey, you should have entered, Ange!
ANGE: Nah, I’m retired.

Andy is currently vacationing in the UK.

this is your brain... this is your brain on deadline...

CASSY: Do you have any thoughts on that, Andy?

ANDY: I don’t have any thoughts about anything right now… I can't think beyond my own eyebrows.

under attack

ANDY'S COLLEAGUE: So what did you get up to over the weekend, Andy?

ANDY: Umm... [racking his brain] I saved some broccoli from being eaten?

His colleagues stare blankly at him.

ANDY: By snails.

ANDY'S COLLEAGUES: Oh.

ANDY: They’re like Napoleon at battle, they’ve got military finesse, honestly! They've got a one-track mind and all they want is my broccoli…

dry spell

CASSY: *gasp* Andy, the last post is dated July 26!
ANDY: [gravely] I know.
CASSY: That's three solid months without a word, without a peep--
ANDY: [indignant] Hey, I've been peeping, oright? You just haven't been posting!

what's for lunch?

"Serendipity" a la Andy

Thomas Dux lentil rissoles on a bed of lentils with corn chip garnish

Photo: Cheri S

juggling act

ANDY: I need some sugar.
ANNA: I've got a mandarin?
SIM: I've got two...
ANDY: [confidently] You can throw them all at the same time - I can juggle.

*THUD*

SIM: Did you drop it?
ANDY: [defensively] Well you didn't say that one was the size of a bloody house...

a match made in heaven

"Concave, concave..." ANDY muttering incomprehensibly. "Y'know, if you mixed Con the Fruiterer and Nick Cave, you'd get concave..."

third time's a charm

ABBEY: …and a tasteless vegie burger…
SIM: You make that sound really appetising.
ANDY: [popping his head up over the cubicle wall] Yeah you make it sound really… abbeytising [turns to Cassy looking pleased with himself] Write that down, eh? Eh?
CASSY: No, Andy, that’s not funny. It’s just lame.

LATER...

Beeeep. Beeeep. Beeeep.
ANDY: Abbey? Well, Abb-ey damned, the microwave’s finished!
ABBEY: [unimpressed] Have you been sitting on that one for awhile?
ANDY: Nah, it just came to me. Like an abbey-rition…[Cassy gives up, heads back to Andyisms and selects Create New Post]