this is your brain... this is your brain on deadline...

CASSY: Do you have any thoughts on that, Andy?

ANDY: I don’t have any thoughts about anything right now… I can't think beyond my own eyebrows.

under attack

ANDY'S COLLEAGUE: So what did you get up to over the weekend, Andy?

ANDY: Umm... [racking his brain] I saved some broccoli from being eaten?

His colleagues stare blankly at him.

ANDY: By snails.

ANDY'S COLLEAGUES: Oh.

ANDY: They’re like Napoleon at battle, they’ve got military finesse, honestly! They've got a one-track mind and all they want is my broccoli…

dry spell

CASSY: *gasp* Andy, the last post is dated July 26!
ANDY: [gravely] I know.
CASSY: That's three solid months without a word, without a peep--
ANDY: [indignant] Hey, I've been peeping, oright? You just haven't been posting!

what's for lunch?

"Serendipity" a la Andy

Thomas Dux lentil rissoles on a bed of lentils with corn chip garnish

Photo: Cheri S

juggling act

ANDY: I need some sugar.
ANNA: I've got a mandarin?
SIM: I've got two...
ANDY: [confidently] You can throw them all at the same time - I can juggle.

*THUD*

SIM: Did you drop it?
ANDY: [defensively] Well you didn't say that one was the size of a bloody house...

a match made in heaven

"Concave, concave..." ANDY muttering incomprehensibly. "Y'know, if you mixed Con the Fruiterer and Nick Cave, you'd get concave..."

third time's a charm

ABBEY: …and a tasteless vegie burger…
SIM: You make that sound really appetising.
ANDY: [popping his head up over the cubicle wall] Yeah you make it sound really… abbeytising [turns to Cassy looking pleased with himself] Write that down, eh? Eh?
CASSY: No, Andy, that’s not funny. It’s just lame.

LATER...

Beeeep. Beeeep. Beeeep.
ANDY: Abbey? Well, Abb-ey damned, the microwave’s finished!
ABBEY: [unimpressed] Have you been sitting on that one for awhile?
ANDY: Nah, it just came to me. Like an abbey-rition…[Cassy gives up, heads back to Andyisms and selects Create New Post]